And You Thought You Were Alone

Recently in my journey to get my mind, body, and soul on the right track I decided to hire a personal trainer. I just felt I was at the point in my workout that either I was going to go hard for what I wanted or I was going to continue to fiddle around and "make believe" workout. I'm sure you all can relate. You start off good and you're at the gym everyday then one weekend of hanging with the girls or the fellas and what was everyday becomes every other day. Then every other day becomes "I'll start fresh next week" and the next thing you know next week has come and went and you can't figure out how you gained the five pounds back. My point is I knew that I needed some help.

The other day while working out my trainer kept saying "you not alone...lets get it!" It got me to thinking. For years I've struggled with fluctuations in my weight and even my emotional and mental growth. Everytime I found myself at a standstill I began to isolate myself from others telling myself "I fix me...I don't need nobodies help." How wrong was I!!

While standing there with my trainer I began to think about my weightloss and particularly my weight gain. While ultimately it was I who was responsible for how much weight I gained I did not gain it alone. I see the perplexed looks on your face but bare with me.

Over the years I have had alot of help gaining weight. The help came from the friendly waitress at my favorite restaurant that offered the dessert I just couldn't resist...she even offered to wrap it up for me if I was too full of calories to eat it at the moment, or the drive through worker who was so friendly as they made me aware of how I could pack in a thousand more calories for only $5.00... FIVE DOLLARS you can't beat that! Or how about the friend who told me about the new place up the street and how they fresh bake bread every morning and had croissants to die for. My point is yes the final decision was mine but I had a lot of help in my decisions.

With that said, why would I ever think that I wouldn't need the same amount of help to lose as I accepted to gain? It just makes sense. This is true in every aspect of our lives. At some point we have to realize that asking for help is okay, is needed, and is a healthy choice.

Sometimes the help you may need is simply a hug, a ear or a shoulder but every once in awhile trust and believe the comfort we receive and that we can offer to one another is needed. As Tyler Perry says "love one to another" and feel no shame in not being alone.

Much Love,

Amy "PagesOfVision" Ward

Process of Healing

When the world around me is silent I contemplate on all my past relationships. Some make me smile and other I fill my shot glass to and hope that the burn it causes in my chest will keep my tears away. Look…we all make mistakes…sometimes we take all the wrong treatment knowing its all wrong …just unsure how to put an end to the pain.

Believe me when I say you’re not alone. You’re not alone in your attempt to hold on to the dream. The dream of happiness with the wrong person or what you thought was meant for you and him/her. What’s obvious is not always what’s easy to do. At some point the “table” becomes set and your only dining partner is Reality. So I encourage you to sit at the “table” with Reality and let’s get real. As IB (@InspirationBeauty) says “let’s talk about it.”

First understand that this is a process. Yes…overcoming is a process. Even rainbows go through a process before they are created. I encourage you to go through this process with me. I hear your groans and I even see your screwed up face and I know you are wondering where I am going and how I can relate to you. All I will say is…no scratch that…all I will plead is that you hear me out and believe that I need you in this process as much as you may need another person.

Reality told me that before I can heal there are something’s that I must understand before I can move forward and I urge you to ride with me.

·         Understand that you must first  forgive yourself. Forgive yourself for the things you allowed, the things you knew about and the things you didn’t. Forgive yourself for allowing another person to ignore how unique and how special you are. Sometimes our biggest enemy is ourselves. Forgive and never forget. Use this experience as a tool to remind you of what you will never tolerate again. You deserve the best because you always give your best. If God can forgive you then you are allowed to forgive yourself.

·         Understand that all that has happened does not define the man/woman you are today. Everyone is capable of reform and change. God realizes this and that is exactly why you can turn the page and read a new chapter.

·         Understand that all the “shoulda coulda woulda’ves” are just a distraction. They are a distraction from you pushing forward and living the life you are intended to live. If you must, look at all the maybes, shoulda, coulda, would’ves, pray, and meditate on them and then move on because they do not represent the person you  are today.

·         Acknowledge all that has happened. The role you played in being hurt. People don’t do things to us that we don’t allow them to do to us. So yes, I am here to be in your face and say “We played a role in all our own hurt.”

      ·         Understand that at this point you need others. Its time to take that funky robe off, get off the couch, and put the Ben and Jerry’s (or Jack Daniels) back in the freezer…close the cap…and dial a friend.You are not alone so let go of that ideal. There is someone willing to listen while you let it all out.

     ·         Understand that you must push forward…PUSH…PUSH…PUSH FORWARD. Healing hurt is not a process that will happen overnight so be patient with yourself. If you must make a list…make one…Tell yourself everyday OUT LOUD...”I love me…I am beautiful…and I deserve genuine love.” Say “I am love therefore I deserve all the love the Universe has for me…It’s mine and today I claim it…RIGHT NOW AND FOREVER.” Yes it’s corny and yes you may need to say it several times but this is how you will start your day and what you will recite throughout the day.

A wise person once told me “you can fall in and out of love but you can’t fall out of understanding.” I hope my understanding is one you can fall into and I thank you for taking this journey with me. You’ll see me soon and I’ll greet you with all my love and understanding. UNDERSTAND WE ARE BEAUTY FROM THE INSIDE OUT and that’s an understanding I love to fall in understanding with. 

Much Luv,

Amy "@PagesOfVision" Ward