Our First Relationship

I've been in the mood to write which is something that I haven't desired to do in such a long time.  I've always enjoyed writing because I was able to get my feelings out without having to share them with anyone.  I still have my journals from middle school and high school.  As I have reflected on my writing over the course of the years I have noticed that the majority has involved relationships of all sorts: personal, professional, friendships, intimate, not-so-much, etc...   As I continue this journey of finding my true purpose, it is evident that people and relationships are involved.  I sway to the side of the woman because that is who I am.  I reflected to when I briefly wrote for the Examiner and my first article was titled, "The Evolving of All Relationships," in which I discussed relationships to our mothers, bonding, and attachment.  Relationships make us who we are, good, bad, or indifferent.  In that article relationships were defined as the connection by blood or marriage; kinship; a particular type of connection between two people related to or having dealings with each other; and a romantic or sexual involvement.

Within the article I discussed the very first relationship we ever encounter is with our mother and secondary, our father (for those whose father is present).  Our mothers formed our first relationship with her maternal bond or lack thereof.  In my opinion our mothers taught us how to love, whether functionally or dysfunctionally.  What did we learn from our mothers through the years that taught us to have compassion for our fellow man/woman?  How did we observe our mothers when she showed compassion for her fellow man?  Did she allow herself to be cherished, loved, used, misused, abused, cower down, and/or did she demand respect for herself and her children?  Or did she manipulate, lie, cheat, and steal from her significant other/ spouse with you as an observer?  I asked the question the other day in my empowerment group- Which woman in your life (as a child/early adulthood) had an impact on the woman you became/ are becoming?  Most answered their mother/ grandmother.  Our mothers are to ensure the start of positive relationships by ensuring secure attachment.  If we are unsure and insecure in infancy, childhood, our teen years, and early adulthood because of a lack of bonding with the people (parents, especially our mothers) who were to show us how to have relationships and love- guess what???  We become insecure and unattached adult women who don't know how to love and don't know what love is!!  We desire a relationship but doesn't know what a healthy one looks like.  We can read about it but didn't get a chance to observe it while growing up.

As a woman, a mother, and friend, I make sure I put forth extra effort to be part of an example of a positive and healthy relationship, directly and indirectly.  Within my family unit- Directly by giving hugs, kisses, discipline, and words of affirmation to my daughter and my sons.  Indirectly by allowing them to observe the communication and interactions (hugs, cuddling, and forehead/ lip kisses) between my husband and I- explaining that everything in relationships are not about sex.  We discuss what you should look for in a significant other/ mate.  We (my children and I) discuss knowing what you want in/ from the relationship, what not to settle for when looking for a significant other, compromising, and most importantly knowing who you are prior to establishing a relationship, personal and professional.  I have these conversations with my friends as well.   All these things refer to the workplace as well: knowing what you desire from your employer, what you will not settle for, compromising, and knowing who you are prior to accepting that job/ position.  What are you desiring and accepting in your relationships?  #transparentbeauty